knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers

[numberhuang]

It has been three whole days since I arrived in Darrow. Three days by my watch — which, maybe if I'm dreaming then I can't trust my watch — but it feels like three days and that is three days too many to be trapped somewhere without my family. I have read all the literature. I have searched for things online. I have talked to many people, some that didn't know anything and wasted all of my time. I have rented cars and called taxis and tried everything that won't take the money that I keep aside to make sure that I can eat regularly.

There is not much of that money. If I am to believe the things that people tell me about Darrow, then I might be here for a very long time. I might be here for months, or even years. That is more than enough time that I should start thinking about a job, maybe two if I want to keep spending money on finding a way out of this place. I know that this would be the sensible thing to do, that anything else is risky at this point because I know too little. Above all, I have to survive, otherwise there is no point in trying to go home.

I had a checklist written for today. I would spend five hours looking for a way out and three hours researching which jobs are profitable enough for me in Darrow given my skills. I already applied to a dozen jobs that are data entry, very boring, but I am very organized and efficient so maybe I can use the extra time at work to continue looking at the internet.

Three hours of research, done. That means five hours that I should keep looking and learning about Darrow. I am walking back to my apartment, my very empty apartment that gives me nightmares every night, and I have some papers from the library that I want to read when I get back. But then I hear some people laughing, and I turn and I see a restaurant that has many people in it. I can hear people chatting and I think somebody is singing, and after I spent a whole day by myself I almost miss being in a crowd no matter how obnoxious.

Also there's a sign that lists the kinds of wines that they sell.

That is all the convincing I need.

I make my way to the bar of the restaurant and sit myself down. There are some people who were waiting for a spot and they glare at me but I don't care, if they wanted a seat so badly they should have tried harder to get it themselves.

"Can somebody get me a menu?" I ask, dropping my papers and books next to my stool.

Comments

[puckandpie]

It's pretty busy at Semele's for a Tuesday afternoon, but not overly so. It's enough to keep me on my feet, keep me focused on each order as it comes in, but not so busy that I can't deliver some of the pies on my own. That's something I honestly love to do if i have the chance, to meet the people I'm baking for, even if only briefly. And I feel like maybe they like being able to see the face of the person who's made their pie, too.

Or maybe I'm just telling myself that to make it not feel so selfish. Probably doesn't matter in the long run.

I'm just on the way back from delivering a slice of warm cherry pie à la mode to a regular who may or may not be a vampire (I'm too nervous to ask) when I notice a new face at the bar. She looks weary, like she's at the tail end of a really long day. Kira's busy on the other side of the bar so I quickly pop behind the counter to pull a menu out from underneath, sliding it over.

"Hi, welcome to Semele's!" I tell her, giving her my best warm smile. "It's not in there, but the pies for the day are cherry, peach, and apple cobbler. Plus, I think I've still got a batch of snickerdoodles if that catches your fancy."

[numberhuang]

If only the staff at Cattleman's Ranch knew how to provide this kind of service. I don't even have to wait for an entire minute before one of the servers in the restaurant is offering me help, and he's got a big smile and he looks like he's actually happy to be working. Sometimes Mitch looks happy to be working at the restaurant, but that's only if Louis is letting him sneak croutons from the salad bar — no matter how many times I tell him that it's like pouring money down the drain. At the very least, take it out of his paycheck.

This young man looks like an all-American boy. Sometimes that is not such a good thing, but with him it works. I was not expecting to find someone so wholesome at a bar like this. He's even recommending pies.

"Thank you, I appreciate the quick service," I greet first before looking at the menu. "These are all desserts you mentioned, but the menu is mostly entrees and drinks. Are the desserts better than the rest of the menu? You can be honest with me, I don't usually load up on sugar but I feel like I could make an exception today."

I pause, tilting my head. "And are there any pies that go well with alcohol?"

[puckandpie]

"Oh, I wouldn't say they're better," I reply immediately. "That's like askin' if a pig is better than a pencil. Plus, considering I'm the one in charge of making the desserts, I'm probably a little biased. I will say though, that all of my pies are specifically baked to go well with alcohol. Otherwise we wouldn't be servin' 'em."

I'm not actually sure if that's the kind of answer she wants though and I try to give her a warmer smile. "If I'm honest, I'd go with the a slice of peach pie today," I say, dropping my voice to a stage whisper. "Peaches won't be in season for too much longer and I got a really great batch last time I was at the store. Not sure I've made a better round of pies in months. And I can bring you one on the house seein' as you're a new customer here."

[numberhuang]

"You remind me of someone..." I murmur, leaning on my hand to get a better look at the young man. Blond, impossibly positive, not frightened off when I'm probably looking like hell warmed over. Yes, now I am only asking myself why I never thought about inviting Honey to work at Cattleman's Ranch, I am sure she would make business double in no time.

But now she's my partner in investment real estate, so Louis can't have her. Hah.

"You are allowed to be biased about your own work, you should be proud of it," I tell him firmly. There's a part of me that already feels protective of this young man, not quite sure why. "And I will not shortchange you on the check because my husband owns a restaurant, I know how tight things can sometimes get. But yes, I will take a slice of your peach pie, and you can thank me by keeping me company for a while. I haven't had anybody to talk to all day."

You may think that I'm being a bit overbearing, but this is how I ask people for favors. Doesn't always work, but worth it when it does. I'm much more interested in having someone to unload with than paying a few dollars less on my check.

[puckandpie]

For a second, she just eyes me. I have no idea who I might remind her of, but it at least doesn't seem like I remind her of someone she doesn't like. Or if I do, she doesn't tell me.

I blink when her tone turns a little more assertive, but she isn't being mean at all and I can't help a smile, even if it's a bit unsure. "Oh, you won't shortchange," I promise. "Derek's got a pretty good business goin' here and I get all the profits from the pies. Maybe I've been just been lucky so far, but I make really good money off them. And I like giving out slices for free from time to time. Keeps people comin' back, you know?"

As insistent as she's been already though, I've a feeling she'll stay stubborn and I quickly add, "But I'd be happy to sit and chat for a bit if you'd like. It'll be a nice excuse to keep me off my feet for awhile. Just let me go get that pie for you real quick. Do you want anything else while I'm back there? Or I can get Kira to make a drink for you. Shouldn't take too long at all!"

[numberhuang]

I don't know how he does it, but he's exactly like Honey. This kind of person can find something good about any situation. I remember when I first met Honey, I wasn't exactly impressed but she was so happy to find that we had things in common, and she kept on trying and trying to earn my friendship. Even though she was unpopular in the neighborhood, I couldn't say no to somebody with that good of a heart. (Also, it helped that she was also a big fan of Stephen King. It's good to be nice, but you have to be interesting too.)

"Yes, bring the pie, then sit and chat. And a drink would be nice, you can tell Kira to make something stronger," I tell this young man with a wave of my hand, go on, be efficient. While he's gone, I take the time to look around the restaurant. He says that they make really good business under the direction of Derek, enough that this young cook can make all of the profits from the pies.

Giving the cook all of the profits from the food? How do they keep themselves afloat? My eyes are narrow as I look around, and sometimes I find someone who's looking back at me. I use the time to practice my glare — mind your own business!

Kira makes the drink quickly, I hand over a dollar tip. My fingers trace the lip of the glass.

This is sadly the most normal I have felt since arriving in Darrow.

[puckandpie]

As promised, I make sure to ask Kira to make the woman a nice, strong drink before hurrying into the kitchen to retrieve a slice of peach pie. I hadn't asked if she wanted it with or without ice cream so I forego for now as I cut up a suitably big slice and grab two snickerdoodles on my way back out the door.

Kira's already gotten the nice lady a drink by the time I make it back and I smile as I slide her plate onto the bar and climb up onto the stool beside here.

"Here ya are! One piping hot and hopefully delicious slice of peach pie! It's my very favorite recipe so I hope you like it. But I won't be offended if you don't so feel free to tell me your honest opinion." I pause long enough to get a better look at her, frowning a little with how ragged she looks. "I'm Eric, by the way," I tell her, holding out a hand. "Or Bitty. You can call me either one, I really answer to both here. Forgive me for assumin', but I'm betting you're not a native of Darrow. Have you been here long?"

[numberhuang]

This young man has good hustle, he's back before I take my second sip of my drink.

A second later, I notice the delicious smell of the pie. I have never had homemade pie before — sometimes I buy a boxed pie from the grocery store if my boys want an American dessert. And my sister Connie, she always has a pie at her Thanksgivings, but I have never smelled something so delicious in the kitchen, so I am pretty sure that she buys them from a local bakery and pretends that they are her recipe. (I also snooped around in Connie's kitchen to see if she had baking materials. She does not. She thinks I don't know, but I am only waiting for the best time to let everyone know.)

Before I know it, there is a smile on my face. It disappears a bit when Eric asks me about how long I've been in Darrow.

"I'm Jessica. It's very nice to meet you, Eric," I say first, shaking his hand firmly. "You are right, I am not from Darrow. I have been here for three days. And even though the people are nice, it is very stressful being here. I'm hoping that I find a way home soon."

I lean in, breathing in the smell of the pie. "If this tastes as good as it smells, then you are an angel," I tell him, reaching for my fork. "You know, peaches are considered lucky in Chinese culture."

[puckandpie]

"Oh goodness, only three days," I reply, feeling an immediate pang of sympathy. No wonder she seems so worn out. "That's not very long at all."

Part of me feels like I should tell her there's no hope in trying, that we're all stuck here. I mean, if people like Tony Stark or Harry Potter can't find a way out, I doubt there's much hope for the rest of us. But I know how much hope can mean to a person and it's probably better she find out on her own.

My smile softens as she takes a good sniff of my pie and reaches for her fork. I've always loved watching people eat and enjoy what I've worked so hard to bake and now is no different. Though she might feel a bit uncomfortable if I hover too much so I look a way for a second, waving at Kira to bring me a Coke.

"Oh, are they really?" I ask, my attention fully caught when she speaks again. "I didn't know that. Well, let's just call this your lucky pie then! If nothin' else, I hope it helps cheer you up. And, if it works, I might just have to rename it."

[numberhuang]

Most of the time, I want answers. And solutions. And advice. Any advice is good advice for me, because if it's stupid advice, then I'll let somebody know and I'll feel smarter because I pointed the problems out. But after three days of being in Darrow, it is surprising to me how much it means to just be comforted. Even if there's no promise, somebody knows how hard this is and what trouble I'm going through.

My throat feels tight. There are not many people in my life who have comforted me, ever. Maybe only Louis. I miss him more than I can even describe.

But I smile at Eric, because he has made my day better and I don't want to make his day worse. I finally take a bite of the pie.

For that brief second, all of my troubles go away. The crust is flaky, the peach is just the right temperature and it's not too sweet. I hum my approval, and the first bite is gone all too quickly, so I take a second before I finally look at him.

"Eric," I say, my eyes wide as I shake my head. "This pie is amazing. I have never tasted anything this good in my life. And I lived in Taiwan!"

[puckandpie]

There's something sorta magical about watching someone eat a slice of my pie. As long as I haven't messed up the recipe of my oven hasn't betrayed me, I'm always pretty confident it'll go over well, but actually seeing how happy it can make a person is so, so rewarding.

It's even more satisfying when I know that person has been having a bad day. There's something about sugar, I know, that can just lift a person's spirits right up. There's always the crash afterward, of course, but for a good stretch of about ten or twenty minutes, you can just concentrate on the sweet, warm taste. That's all I can hope for here. And, honestly, it's impossible to keep the smile off my face, my cheeks going warm under her glowing praise.

"Oh goodness, I'm so glad you like it! I've got a whole pie back there so if you want more, you just say the word! You can even take home a few slices if you'd like. I have boxes to put them in."

Her comment makes me curious though and I push on before she can even get in an order. "Oh, is that where you're from? I'm from Georgia myself," I tell her, before quickly adding, "The state not the country. Though I was goin' to school up in Massachusetts before I found myself here."

[numberhuang]

I take another bite. This slice of pie is going to be gone before I know it. I try to slow down because I do not think I will have enough space for much more. I have not eaten very well since I arrived in Darrow; mostly it has been different coffee drinks and rice and eggs. To be honest, I have not been very hungry. Most of the time I am angry, or sad, or feeling lost. So it is remarkable that something tastes so good to me right now.

I'm not sure how to tell Eric this. Or if I even want to. Maybe the expression on my face is enough. I do not want to burden him with knowing that for the first time in my life, I have been depressed.

"I will pay you for the whole pie. Even though I guess it probably tastes the best when it's fresh," I think aloud, putting my fork down so that I can nurse my drink for a little bit. "But yes, I must ask you for some baking techniques. There is not that much baking in my native cuisine, which yes, is Taiwanese. But I most recently lived in Orlando with my husband and three boys. Oh, and my mother-in-law. But I have not been to Georgia yet, so I do not know much about it other than the fact that they have nice peaches."

[puckandpie]

"Nothing tastes quite as good as a fresh pie," I agree with a laugh. "But I'd be happy to box up what I have in the back for you! They don't re-heat too badly, I don't think. No one's ever complained too much about that anyway.

"But oh yes, I'd love to swap baking techniques. I bet you know a bunch of things I don't. I'm actually enrolling at Barton in the fall to study culinary arts with emphasis in pastry arts. It's something I loved doing all my life but never really thought of making into a career until I got here. What was it, uh... what did you do back in Orlando?"

Part of me really wants to ask about her family, her husband and kids and mother-in-law, all those people she got forced to leave behind. But even though she's the one that's mentioned them first, it still feels nosy. "Honestly, you're not missin' all that much about Georgia if you're livin' in Florida. We don't even have Disney World, just a lot of bugs of humidity. And, yes," I add with a laugh, "some amazing peaches. The ones here can't compare, but I do the best with what I'm dealt."

[numberhuang]

I try to imagine how I would feel if one of my boys baked pies for a living. I think if they wanted to do that from a young age, I would tell them to be careful, you have to make sure that your education can get you many jobs, even if you do not like all of them. This is why I studied tax law in school, because there are always people who need help with their taxes, and I can save money on our household taxes, too.

But it is hard to argue against his pies, and my husband has proved that yes, you can make a living from owning a restaurant, even if it is hard.

"Your pies are already so good, what else do you want to learn from class?" I ask and take another bite. Maybe it sounds judgmental (and maybe, yes, I am judging a little), but I am actually curious to know what other skills he can gain. He is a good boy, and I want to make sure his education does the most for him. "Ah, and as for me, most recently I was in real estate. I have dabbled in many jobs but I just got my license, and I am focusing on investment properties."

I smile when he describes his home. Maybe not everything is great in Georgia, but I bet he can have a lot of good to say about it too if I ask him. "Yes, the humidity in the area is terrible. I thought it was bad in D.C. — that's where I was before Orlando — but going south, it definitely feels like there's more."

[puckandpie]

"Oh, so many things!" I tell her, surprising myself a little bit with how vehement a response it is. Some part of me thinks Carson would smile to hear me so excited even if it's not in a subject he'd be much inclined to consider worthy of anything. "I'm pretty good at pies, but I still have a lot to learn about cakes and tarts and puff pastries. I've only tried working with marzipan once and it was a total disaster and I don't think I could make a decent arlette if my life depended on it. Basically, if they had anything here like the Great British Bake-Off, I would fail out instantly."

Of course, I don't know if she has any idea what GBBO is, but I figure if she doesn't and she's curious, she'll ask. She doesn't seem the type that's nervous about that sort of thing.

"But goodness, you were in DC? I've only been there once for a school trip. What made y'all move to Florida?" Because I'm assuming she moved there with her family, which maybe I shouldn't. It's not a good idea to assume things, I now. "Is it because real estate's better down there? And what's an investment property?"

[numberhuang]

I listen when Eric tells me about all these different kinds of... baked goods, I think, things that he wants to learn about at school. Part of me is very impressed that there are so many things and that he is very motivated to learn them. And part of me is confused why there are so many things you can bake, it's not nearly this complicated in Taiwan. But then again, baking is not the center of our cuisine. We steam more things than we bake.

"You... will have to show me what each one of these things is," I say slowly, trying to imagine each one. "I know cakes and cookies, but I don't know what a puff pastry is. It sounds very... airy. Whoever thought of that name should be careful, some people would not like paying for something that sounds flimsy."

I also have no idea what the Great British Bake-Off is, but the name is pretty intuitive. They clearly put more thought into their marketing.

I smile when the conversation turns back to more familiar areas. I like learning new things, but I also enjoy talking about what I know. Which is a lot. "Oh, my husband decided to chase his dream of opening an American restaurant, and it is very hard to find good real estate and compete in the D.C. area, too many good food options there," I say, waving my hand. "But suburban Orlando, much better. It was a bit shaky to start, but he has really found his footing. As for real estate, I just picked up my license because I wanted more to do on the side, and I had a natural talent for recommending the right place for the right people to live. You can go a long way with a little feng shui knowledge."

I cut another piece of pie with my fork.

"Investment properties are basically when you buy a property that is nice, but probably needs some fixing, maybe a remodel or paint or change the carpets. Then you make those changes, and flip it on the market for a profit. Or if you have even more money, you can buy houses when the market is a buyer's market, means lots of homes for sale and not enough people looking. Then you keep it until things turn around and it becomes a seller's market. Basically you buy the house with the goal of making money one way or another, like an investment."

[puckandpie]

"Oh, puff pastries are sort airy, you're right! They're made of really really thin pieces of pastries all lined up on top of each other. When it's baked, the result is light and sort of crumbly. Have you ever had a strudel or a turnover?" I ask her, the question more rhetorical than anything as I continue on. "That's a puff pastry. It's not quite the same as filo pastry which, oh gosh, I think any attempt I could make at that right now would end in disaster."

I make myself hush before I just prattling on and on about baking. I can practically see her eyes glazing over already.

"But oh! I know what you're talking about now," I tell her, following along pretty easily in her explanation. "Someone would have to have an awful lot of money to even get into something like that though, wouldn't they? I can't imagine buying a house and not even living in it. But you just sell them, right? I bet you could get involved in something like that here no problem. I'm only living in an apartment myself right now and I really don't think I could afford a mortgage or anything like that, but if I ever do, maybe I could ask you to be my real estate agent."

I'm teasing, honestly. Not the part where I can't afford a house right now, that's definitely the truth, but in her being my real estate agent. It's a nice thought, but there's no reason she should have to do real estate at all here if she'd rather not.

"Anyway, what sort of restaurant did your husband have? Are you..." I cringe a little, softening my voice as I look at her more carefully. "You probably really miss him, huh? And your kids? Are you doin' alright?"

[numberhuang]

"There are so many names for these things," I say, shaking my head when he mentions strudels and turnovers. Maybe I heard them at some point from the neighborhood ladies, but hell if I know what name refers to what kind of pastry. "We have pretty good bread in Taiwan, but we just have one name for it. It's always some kind of bread. Like red bean bread, or pineapple bread, or blueberry bread. You hear the name and then you know what it is."

I sigh, thinking about the delicious breads back in Taiwan even as I take another bite of Eric's pie. There were some good Asian bakeries in D.C., but none in Orlando. I wonder if there are any in Darrow. Nobody native talks about places outside of the city.

"Yes, investment housing is very expensive. My family, we did not have enough money to get started, but my best friend, Honey, her husband is a very successful dentist so we became partners. She provides more of the capital, I do more of the work to buy and sell and figure out all the details," I explain. "But oh, I am sure I can find you a good deal. You would be surprised. Sometimes a mortgage is not all that much more than rent, if you're fine looking for a condo and not a single family house. But the investment is worth it, you can make money by the time you are ready to change residence."

I grin just thinking about it. Maybe it'd be worth looking for a role in real estate here... if I'm expecting to be here for that long. Something familiar. Something I am confident in.

"My husband, he owned a Western-themed restaurant. We had to hire so many white people to work there, otherwise people think the food is not very good and American," I say with a roll of my eyes. "But... yes. I miss him. And my kids. I don't feel alright; I feel like I'm still going crazy. I did not think that a place like this could exist. Or that I would be without my family here."

[puckandpie]

"I've never tried anything like that," I confess. "Back home I'd just changed my major to American Studies with a focus on cuisine and we'd touched on Asian influences a bit here and there, but I've never tried my hand at any of that. Maybe you can show me sometime. If you want, of course. I'll understand, of course, if it's something uh... something I shouldn't learn.

It's definitely too soon for me to be thinking of buying a home or even a condo, but I can't deny the idea is nice. Apartment living really isn't too bad, especially with Jack right across the hall, but there's something a lot more private and comfortable about a home, too.

Maybe one day.

She continues on about her business and her husband's business and it's impossible to miss the way her voice got a little quieter. I've only just met her so it seems a bit presumptuous to reach for her hand so I curl my own into a fist to hold back as I keep my eyes on her. "I didn't either," I tell her, my voice softer now. "Honestly, I still don't. I miss my mama like breathing sometimes. And Christmas was the worst, oh my goodness. I've never felt so lonely in all my life. You know, Christmas back home was always so huge and I never spent a single one away from my family. Here it was just... I actually got myself a cat a few weeks before just so I wouldn't feel so alone. How pathetic is that?"

That's... probably not the most reassuring thing for her to hear and I cringe immediately, shaking my head. "I do have some wonderful friends here though," I add quickly. "They can't replace family, of course. Nothing could. But it's sorta... well, I've been here nearly a year now and I guess I'd say I have something like a new family now. A Darrow family."

[numberhuang]

"Something you shouldn't learn? Of course not, I am happy to share my culture with anyone who truly wants to learn," I tell Eric with a wave of my hand. Yes, I was very disappointed with the Chinese New Year celebration from the Asian-American society, but that is because they clearly did not research the proper way to celebrate Chinese New Year. You would think that even if they cannot find a Chinese person in the area, they could call someone else and learn a little more about the culture! "I cannot promise that my bread will taste as good as your pie, but I am happy to share the recipes that my mother taught me. It might actually be good for me to practice... I stopped baking as much after I had my second son. Not enough time."

When I talk more about family, I see Eric's hand shift. It reminds me how young Eric looks. Much older than my boys, of course, but I think there is a part of every person that becomes a child again around their parents. I know that is the case with me and Connie, and I know that it means so much to both of us that we have that option. We can return home to our mom and whine in front of her all we like. Mothers provide stability.

I reach out for his hand and give it a soft squeeze. I am not his mother, but I can be here while she isn't.

"Anything that you need to do to feel less lonely is good. As long as it doesn't hurt your health," I say seriously. "It's not pathetic. Everybody gets lonely. But I am very glad you have friends here. Nobody should be alone, especially not in a place as crazy as this."

[puckandpie]

"Really?" I reply, perking up a bit. "I'd honestly love that! I have a feeling we'll be learnin' all kinds of things when classes start up, but I have no idea yet just how much or what it'll all be. I've been baking all my life, but I feel like I still hardly know a thing since I mostly learned from my mama and moo-maw and a little bit here and there from my classes back in Samwell. Oh, and YouTube clips, of course, but there's nothing like learning from someone directly. Here, let me give you my number," I continue, shifting on the stool to pull my cellphone out of my pocket. "I keep a pretty full schedule, but I'll absolutely make time to bake with you and I have a perfect oven back in my apartment. Tony Stark himself fixed it all up. Do you know who he is? He's a genius."

I pause long enough to swipe open the lock screen, my cheeks growing warm when I realize I have a picture of Jack cuddling with Elvis as my wallpaper, something I definitely hope Jessica doesn't happen to see. Not that I'm ashamed of Jack in any way at all, or our relationship, but it's not... I mean, I've only just met her. I'd rather not cross that bridge just yet.

Luckily, I'm pulled out of my embarrassment by the curl of her hand around mine and I glance down at it, surprised for a second before something warm and soft rushes all through me and I squeeze back.

"Gettin' more of 'em every day," I promise her and I can only hope she gets my meaning because outright saying, 'Hi, would you like to be my friend?' seems kinda silly. "Honestly, sometimes this place doesn't feel too awful. There are interesting people if nothing else. I've learned a whole lot since I got here about all sorts of things. Stuff I don't think I ever could've learned back home. And it doesn't... I mean, I never real stop missin' people. It doesn't go away. But some days are better than others."

Quieting a bit then, I slide her my phone so she can put her number in if she wants. "How, uhm. How old are your kids? If you don't mind my askin'?"

[numberhuang]

Eric is so excited about baking Taiwanese pastries with me that he talks super fast and about things that I don't even understand, but I nod anyway because I think his passion will make the difference. I have never seen my sons so excited about cooking, except maybe Eddie when he was learning to make chili with his dad.

It's kind of nice to think about cooking with someone. Normally I am very controlling in the kitchen, but there is something about Eric that really reminds me of Honey. And Honey is very good at calming me down, and she is okay when I need to be bossy.

"I am not sure what this YouTube thing is but yes, we should definitely exchange numbers," I say, pulling my phone out of my purse. I am getting more used to putting phone numbers directly in my phone now, it's actually very convenient. "And I do get excited about efficiently working appliances."

Eric's phone picture is of a man and a dog, maybe it's his brother. I wish I had a picture of my family with me.

I punch my number into Eric's phone with a nod. "You know, I think I am very open to meeting people no matter where I am, I know that there are always good people even if you have to look hard for them," I say lightly. "But it's... well, I'm sure you know. It's still hard, I feel like there's nobody I know very well, it's like I moved from Taiwan to the United States all over again. Except this is a move I never would have made because of my family. My boys are thirteen, eleven, and eight. Maybe if they were all grown up I would feel better about being here, but they're still so small. Especially Evan. He still asks for me to pick him up sometimes when he's feeling sick."

[puckandpie]

"Oh, you've-- You don't know what YouTube is?" It's honestly something I so take for granted that it hadn't even occurred to me she might not know what I'm talking about. I watch her for a moment as she taps her number into my phone and it occurs to me that I never asked what year she's from. The very fact that that's something I need to keep in mind when meeting new people here still just does my head in.

"This is going to sound so strange, but, uh. What year are you from? It was twenty-fourteen when I showed up here. Twenty-fourteen in my world, I mean, and back there have the internet." My gaze drops to my phone in her hands. It's obvious she can't be from too far in the past if she knows how to operate that so I push on. "There's a website called YouTube where people can post videos of all kinds of things. Basically anything you can think of. Plays, songs, stories, tutorials. You name it! I had a channel myself back home, for baking. And I watched a ton of other ones."

I don't mention that I have one here, too. Not for baking. That's a secret just between me and Blue and I'd like to keep it that way.

"Oh goodness, of course it's hard," I tell her, shifting our hands so I can wrap mine over hers in a tight squeeze. "I can't even imagine, honestly. It's hard bein' here without my mama or Coach or any of my family, but it'd be so much harder if I had kids. I'm sure of it. Evan is the youngest, I assume. What are the other two named? And you know, sometimes people from home show up, too. I was here for months and months before Jack showed. He's, uh... he's a friend from school. The coach of our hockey teach, actually. He got here in January so it's possible you could see your boys again. And your husband, too."

[numberhuang]

"Doesn't sound strange," I say quickly, rolling my eyes and waving my hand. I'm not rolling my eyes at him, I hope he knows that. I am only rolling my eyes at the fact that what year I'm from always seems to become a topic with the people that I meet. It's like almost nobody here is from the 90s! It makes me feel old, it makes me feel slow, and even though I am trying to catch up as quickly as possible, there are some things that I can't know about because I haven't been in America in 2016. "I am from nineteen ninety-five. I am still learning how to touch the screen of my phone instead of looking for buttons. It is... a lot to learn."

I sigh, eyes narrowing. I will learn. Someday I will be one of the most technologically advanced in Darrow, because it is far too annoying to be left behind like I am right now.

"Does Darrow have something like YouTube? I will check it out. It is a good idea, letting people share videos of how they do things, because it is so hard to try to teach someone over the phone, and even worse when you have to pay long distance. Sometimes you just need to see something to know what to do," I say with a nod as I think about all the times I tried to teach Connie something. It almost never worked, and then she would complain I wasn't being helpful enough. I take another bite of my pie.

Even though she's annoying, I almost wish I had Connie here now.

"Anyway, yes, Evan is my youngest. Then there's Emery, and then Eddie is the oldest. In Chinese culture we like to have themes in family names, so I thought the closest thing was picking all names that start with the same letter in Western culture," I add. "And you know, even though I miss them all, I don't know that I would want them to come here. There's... too much that's out of our control. It felt more secure in 1995 in Orlando somehow."

[puckandpie]

Now is probably not the time to tell her that I was born in 1995. I mean, she may get that time is weird here, of course, but knowing that theoretically is one thing and being served pie by someone eight years younger than your youngest son is quite another. Or at least I assume so. I know I'd find it strange.

Regardless of what year she's from, she's clearly not afraid of technology, or learning more about it. I nod when she asks about there being a YouTube equivalent and silently hope she doesn't somehow stumble onto my channel while she's looking. I know it's a very, very small chance of it, but there's still a chance all the same and my would that be embarrassing. It could be worse, of course. It's not as though I'm vulgar on there or anything, but it's... well, they're all pretty personal entries.

Luckily, I'm not given too much time to fret as she keeps talking about her boys. It's hard not to smile then if only because I've already learned something new. It falters just a bit at the end and I shake my head. "Oh, no I don't blame you. If I had my choice, I'd just go home instead of wanting anyone to show up here. It's even-- I mean, Jack. My friend? I actually felt terrible when he first showed up here. I still do sometimes, not because I don't like being able to see him so much, but just 'cause this place isn't good for him at all. He's a really amazing hockey player actually. Professional level, been working for it his whole life, training for it. And, well. There's not much he can do with that here, you know? It's been so hard to watch him lose that dream."

And I can't imagine how much harder it is for him, of course. It's a wonder he's doing as well as he is.

"Though I bet you wouldn't sad if they showed up, would you? It's one thing to not ask for it but another to enjoy if it does happen. This may seem strange or even a little presumptuous, but I'd love to meet any member of your family. I bet they're all amazing, especially your kids."

[numberhuang]

Eric asks me a good question. I frown, and then I take another bite of the pie as I think about my answer. (This is dangerous, by the way. I am clearly using the pie as a stall tactic and a pick-me-up. Can you imagine what it would be like if I always had access to this kind of pie? I would have to start to run marathons to work off all the calories.)

For good measure, I also take a deeper gulp from my drink. I am not as much of a lightweight as my husband is, but I can feel some warmth on my cheeks.

"It's not strange, it's very kind of you to say that you would like to meet my family. I am sure that everybody in my family would like you, too. You're very sweet and talented and friendly, all of these things would appeal to my sons and my husband and my mother-in-law," I assure Eric. I can't imagine that he has trouble making friends with most people, but just in case he is worried, I want him to know that he doesn't have to be. "It's hard to say whether or not I would be sad. I mean, of course I want to be reunited with them, I would be so happy to see their faces again. But would I still be sad, some part of me? Maybe. I mean, my husband just wants to run a western-style restaurant, so I am sure he would be okay here, but my sons..."

I sigh and my shoulders slump a little. "You know, I always wanted more for them. If I was fine with them staying in a city, I would have stayed in Taiwan. Not that I had them yet at that point, but you know, hypothetically. But I moved to the United States so that they would have their pick, so that the opportunities would never stop. Like your friend, Jack, you say he's like a professional level athlete. Maybe one of my sons could be a renowned surgeon. One of my sons, he's going to space camp. So, you know — even if they didn't want to do those things, as a parent I want them to have the choice. And not having the choice would make me sad, yes. Like I am very sorry that your friend does not have as many people to compete against for sports. I am a very competitive person, so I can imagine how disappointing that would be."

[puckandpie]

I'm sure she's just being polite given that we haven't been talking all that long and she barely even knows me. But it's still nice to hear all the same. Though, even now, months and months later, part of me wonder if what Carson had said is really true -- that I just use baking pies as a way of tricking people into liking me. So I can feel even a little bit worthwhile.

Then again, even if that is true, I can't help but think that, even for this small moment, I'm helping. Maybe it's only because of the pie that she's talking to me at all, but I can only hope it's doing her good. She might forget about me just as soon as she leaves and that's okay. For right now, she's getting some stuff off her chest and that can't be bad.

"Well, there are other opportunities here," I point out, lips twisting a bit because this might be stretching it a little. "I mean, back home I was goin' to school full time and playing hockey. And whatever time I had left I'd use to bake the boys pies or study or go to parties, that sorta thing. And it was great. Amazing, even. I miss it every single day. But here, well... I'm the head baker of one of Darrow's most popular bars. And I work at the cat cafe too and have a whole lot of people on the side who like buying pies and cookies and cupcakes and things from me just because. It's nothing like what I was doin' back home, but I love it in its way.

"It'll never be home," I continue quickly because I definitely don't want her to think I believe Darrow is better than Orlando. Or anywhere else for that matter. "It'll never be the same. But I bet your boys could find a way for themselves even here. And you'd be here. Their mom. That couldn't hurt."

[numberhuang]

In my heart, I know that what Eric says is logical. Yes, being in a different place means that you just make a new normal. Like how I wasn't sure that I would ever like Orlando as much as Washington D.C. — and yes, there are so many things that I still miss about D.C. every single day — but if we stayed in D.C. then I would never have started my investment property business. I would never have met Honey. These are things that make me attached now to Orlando, and I know that my husband is definitely much happier in Orlando so that's a good thing, too.

It is completely possible that some of my family might even be happier here in Darrow than back in Orlando. I am not sure who, of course. Maybe Evan because Evan loves new technology and it is all so fancy here.

"Maybe it is not the absolute worst thing if they show up here. But I am still going to hope that they don't," I admit to Eric with a sigh. "Because I still can't wrap my head around this place. I feel less like myself, I'm always looking in books and maps and trying to learn more and coming up against a dead end. I am not my best self here. Actually sitting here and talking to you is the first time that I have felt normal in these whole three days."

I kick back the rest of my drink. It might be encouraging my words to flow a little freer than before. "You know, I don't want to look down at this city. Lots of amazing things are happening here. I am also... trying to learn to understand why some people are happier here than in their worlds. I just wish there was a choice, you know. It's very strange to feel like no matter how hard I try, I might not be able to make a difference in what happens to me. And have you heard, there are all these rumors about different types of creatures being here. On my first day, I met a huge man with a head like a bull's! Very strange."

[puckandpie]

I've a feeling the drink is doing something to helping her admit all this and I watch as she knocks back the rest of it in one swallow. It's hard not to ache from what she's saying if only because I get it. I do. Even when things aren't entirely awful here, they never feel quite right either, I never can seem to get over the notion that I"m not where I belong.

And I can only imagine how much worse it is for Jack who've worked so hard for so long toward one thing, and people like Jessica with a family.

My heart cracks a little and before I can think better of it, I reach out to lightly squeeze her arm, keeping my hand there for support as I duck down to meet her eyes. "I'd like to say it gets easier and, in some ways it kinda does. It gets easier to breathe little by little, at least even if you never quiet manage to stop missing home."

It's when she mentions Iron Bull that my mouth actually quirks into a quick grin. "Oh, you met Chief! He's new too, I think," I tell her, giving her arm another light squeeze. "I only met him myself a few weeks ago. I'd never seen anything quite like him before either, I'll admit. And there are werewolves here, too." I don't mention that the owner of the bar is one, of course. Derek likes to choose who knows and who doesn't though I've a feeling any regular patron of Semele's is pretty aware by now. "And vampires and ghosts. It's... I mean, it's a lot to take in all at once. I've been here a year now and it still doesn't feel all that real sometimes."

[numberhuang]

I feel like I'm about to unleash my life story before Eric reaches for my arm and squeezes it. I look into his eyes, they're very large and pretty and brown, and I listen to him when he says that it gets easier. Kind of. But he doesn't try to make me think that it will ever be completely right, and that's good, because if he did that I would know that he's a liar.

Which would be unfortunate because so far everything about him feels very honest and open, which is what I like to find in a friend. I know that sometimes I talk to Deidre, but let's be honest, if she wasn't queen of the neighborhood then I probably wouldn't.

"Thank you," I tell him with a little smile.

And then he mentions werewolves.

"What?" I cry out, pulling back with a nervous look. Part of me feels very stupid for feeling scared, because werewolves and vampires and... well, sometimes I think ghosts might be real, but the other stuff is all fake! It's like the yeti or Bigfoot, stories that people make up to get attention. At least, that's what I would say back in Orlando. But this city is so crazy that I can't let myself think that anything is impossible.

"Werewolves and vampires? Why are we all sitting here while there are werewolves and vampires out there? Aren't they dangerous? Shouldn't we be calling the police?"

[puckandpie]

She seems to relax just a little, her lips curving into a faint smile as I give her arm another light squeeze.

And then it shatters.

She pulls back and I sit up a little straighter, glancing briefly at Kira who's paused for a moment in cleaning off the top of the bar. I suppose I should've expected a reaction like this, but I'd honestly sort of assumed she knew already. Or had some idea. Whoops.

Of course, if there's any place worse for her to start panicking about werewolves and vampires, it's Semele's where someone is liable to take it personally. Cringing a little, I scoot in closer, shushing my voice in the hopes that she'll take the hint and quiet, too. "Most of them are perfectly safe," I tell her only hoping and praying she can believe me. "In fact, one of my very closest friends here is a werewolf. And I know a vampire who's kind of a jerk, but he doesn't-- he isn't dangerous. It's not quite like all the stories you've heard from home.

"Which isn't to say they're all safe," I quickly add. I had my own scary brush with vampires just a couple weeks ago, after all. "But there are, uh. We have really great police here, and superheroes besides. I guess that sorta balances things out."

[numberhuang]

Eric's voice goes quiet, and I can see that he wants me to be quiet, too. This probably means that there are werewolves, vampires, or other crazy monsters in this restaurant. I look around carefully. There are some people who are looking at me; they don't look very happy. I am very used to people giving me strange looks because I am loud like we are in Chinese culture, but I wonder if they are glaring for a different reason this time.

This city keeps getting worse!

I frown and turn back to Eric, leaning closer so that I do not have to be loud for him to hear me. "You're friends with a werewolf. Eric. I have watched movies and read the books. Werewolves are always dangerous, they go mindless when there's a full moon and what if they bite you?" I shudder and shake my head at the thought. "And then you would turn into a werewolf too and then eventually all of us in this city will be werewolves, unless the vampires get to us first and train all of our blood. This is — I'm only human! How am I supposed to stay safe with so many monsters around? I'd need a Clark Kent like Lois Lane has."

[puckandpie]

"I watched those same movies and read those books," I promise her, still keeping my voice low and hopefully a little soothing before she really starts to panic. "I was nervous about it when I first got here too and, to be honest, sometimes it still gets to me."

Though, working at Semele's for nearly a year now has definitely helped with that. Some of the patrons here are scary, but Semele's is a safe space for everyone; Derek makes sure of it. The ones who make trouble here don't last very long and the regulars seem to at least like the pie and beer enough to keep themselves under control.

"But the werewolf I know-- well, actually I know two of them. And I consider both of them friends. Neither of them shift at the turn of the moon, they just do it whenever they want to. And they don't bite anyone, I promise. They don't want to hurt people, they just want to live their lives. I know it sounds impossible, I really do, but I promise a lot of them are really okay. I'm pretty sure if either of them wanted to hurt me, they would've done it by now. I mean, I see one of them almost every day."

[numberhuang]

I am very worried for Eric. Very, very worried. Let's say that he is right and there are some of these not-humans who have a good heart. There are still probably lots of them who don't. And accidents happen, but there is a difference between getting accidentally bit by a crazy Floridian and getting bit by a werewolf! I try to breathe in and out, but I feel a little bit dizzy. I can't tell if that is from the alcohol or if it's because of all the crazy things I'm learning.

"A lot of them is not all of them," I remind Eric. I keep my voice low because now I really do think there are probably some dangerous people in this restaurant. What else have I not been aware of? What more do I have to keep an eye out for every single day? It's madness. I don't know how anyone survives here. "Yes, maybe some of them are... are good and careful with humans, I know, I have read stories yes where maybe one or two are good. But what if one or two are bad? You have to be... a whole other level of careful and prepared against them!"

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "How do you protect yourself, just in case?"

[puckandpie]

If I'm honest, that's not something I've let myself worry about too much. If I did, there's no way I could handle working here at Semele's at all. Or maybe even getting up every morning.

So, for now, I just sort of shrug and offer as reassuring a smile as I can. "Honestly, that werewolf friend helps a lot," I tell her. He's, uh... I'm in his pack, sorta, so he looks out for me. He'd probably rip to pieces anyone who tried to hurt me. And because of what he is, he has super smell and hearing and strength and stuff so he can get almost anywhere in seconds. Plus," I add, hoping desperately that some of this might help calm her down some, "there are superheroes here who do a lot. I was saved by one just a couple weeks ago, actually."

I don't tell her what from, afraid that even mentioning vampires might get her even more worked up.

"Honestly, it's not nearly so scary as it sounds. I mean, if you look at the news, there isn't any more crime or horrible things happening here than back home. It might feel like it sometimes just because this place is so much stranger than what we're used to, but there are good people and things here, too. And that helps a lot."

[numberhuang]

Even though Eric is trying to make me feel better, I am not sure that it is working. For one, there is a lot of alcohol in my system right now. And while I pride myself on still being able to make the right choices when I'm tipsy, that doesn't mean that I'm going to let myself make as big a judgment call as this one. Trusting werewolves? Trusting vampires? It seems crazy.

But this city has forced me to work with crazy sometimes.

"I am not sure that you are going to convince me not to be afraid of werewolves today," I tell Eric, because I should be honest with him. He deserves that much. "And it's hard to imagine a place that's more calm and boring than suburban Orlando."

I eat the last bite of my pie, chewing thoughtfully as I look outside the window.

"Maybe I should make sure that I get home before it's dark. Vampires and werewolves..." I murmur, rubbing at my forehead.

[puckandpie]

"Oh, I'm not saying you shouldn't be afraid of all werewolves," I tell her, frowning when I realize that she is noticeably and reasonably unsettled. She chews another bite of pie carefully and glances out the window and I take the chance to look out across the bar myself, looking for Derek. It's probably not good form to ask the owner of the bar walk someone home and I don't know how he'd take to the request or Jessica, but...

"Here," I tell her, reaching for my phone again and pulling up the taxi app I've only had to use a few times so far. "Let me at least call you a cab, okay? My treat. And you can take home another slice of pie for later if you'd like. Honestly, it's the least I can do for having scared you."

I have the app up before she can even respond, already placing the little dot on the map so they'll know where to find us.

[numberhuang]

"What?" I bark, turning back around when Eric mentions calling a cab. If you have ever spoken with a first generation Chinese-American, then more likely than not, you probably know that most of us think that taxis are a complete waste of money. Not only is the base price expensive, but then it's courtesy to tip your driver, which is just ridiculous. It only costs about a tenth of the price for me to drive myself home, and even if I don't have a car, there is a convenient thing called public transportation.

Some people say that public transportation is slow, but they just haven't learned to memorize the timetables so that you use the least amount of time on the road. Oh, and to badger the driver if they aren't going on the optimum route.

All the bus drivers in Orlando fear me.

"No, Eric, there's no need to call me a taxi! It's not even dark out," I say, waving my hand quickly and frowning. "Taxis are too expensive and I already know some of the better roads I can take home, I am not so worried that I need to drop twenty dollars to get home. Please. Even if yes, vampires and werewolves are scary, I am glad that you told me because now I know to be more careful. It is always better to know."

[puckandpie]

I'm not at all expecting such an abrupt and loud response and I reel back, blinking wide, phone clutched to my chest. I'm not sure if she's actually angry or insulted or just upset. Though I suppose the alcohol can probably heighten all three emotions so I'm happy to chalk it up to that right now.

"Oh, it won't cost nearly that much," I assure her. I haven't yet submitted the request, but my thumbs hovering right over the button. I won't if she's really, really against the idea, but if it's only the money she's worried about, I can probably assuage that. "I mean, this city isn't all that big so I doubt you live far enough away that it'll cost much more than about ten bucks. And you don't even have to tip! It just goes right on my card when you're done. And I really don't mind!"

Honestly, if nothing else, it'll help calm some of my guilt. She's only in this state because I opened my big mouth. "Whatever the case, i'm not letting you leave here without another slice of pie!"

[numberhuang]

I think I have scared Eric. And now I am really wondering whether or not I have had too much to drink. I drink much of the time with Honey, but it's always wine, and we usually are eating some kind of snack too on the side, so my mind doesn't get all foggy like it feels right now. Also, back in Orlando I was definitely sleeping better.

I sigh. I hate the idea of spending money on a taxi, but it might be a better idea than trying to walk home if I really am that drunk. Eric's expression certainly doesn't make me feel better about my level of sobriety.

"Okay, if you are sure that it's not too expensive... actually I will leave more money here, I do not want to hear any arguments," I tell him seriously, even though I keep my voice more quiet so that I don't make him jump again. "I'm leaving extra for the taxi, and for that extra slice of pie that yes, I will accept. Only because your pie is amazing."

Two slices of pie, a drink, a taxi... I hope that forty dollars covers it. I am not usually this generous, but Eric is a good kid and I like him.

"I will send you a message when I get home, and sometime soon, we should meet up again. I have lots of things I want to learn about Darrow and you helped a lot... but also I think you are just a very nice person to talk to," I say with a slight nod. Coming from me, it's pretty major praise. "Thank you, Eric."