the natural state of motherhood is unselfishness

[numberhuang]

Being in Darrow is exhausting. It has been a month, but most things do not feel any easier than the day I arrived. Okay, so I'll admit that I have made some friends in this time, and now I also know the directions to most places that I would be interested in visiting regularly. I've also earned enough trust with my neighbors that they don't complain about the smells of my home cooking (which is really rude of them to complain about in the first place; do they want me to be completely invisible as their neighbor?). So when it comes to daily living, yes, things are easier.

But there is also a niggling voice at the back of my head that hates the fact that I am still here. That hates the fact that in the morning, sometimes I do errands instead of heading straight to the library. I feel restless and unhappy in Darrow. And very, very tired. I am only realizing now how much of a relief it was to have Louis around to talk to; he made me feel better about so many things just by listening. Or by suggesting things that were so silly that I came up with better solutions.

Here, my apartment is empty. And yes, I can dote on Henry and Adam and the others who have let me into their lives, but it's not the same as living with a family.

This is why I spend more time at the park now. It is just across the street, and at least during the day I can enjoy the sounds of families who have come to the playground with their kids. I am just settling in with my bao for lunch when I see a woman push a stroller with the cutest little baby inside.

"Oh," I sigh, smiling at the child. "Your baby is just adorable."

Comments

[beyoncepadthai]

"Oh, hey, thanks," Mindy stays, stopping to turn and smile at the woman. She'll never tire of compliments on her son, and the fact Danny's not around anymore just means she can take all the credit (at least, that's how she's trying to see it.) "His name is Leo. Well, Leonardo. I'm Mindy."